This seems to be a recurring issue.
Trust is a huge issue in our present society. Giving trust, receiving trust, even understanding that trust and love are not the same thing.
At the point we enroll our children in one of the faciliites, we often know only, that this present course cannot continue. Often, with nerves frayed and trust badly abused, we send our children to live outside the family home, in the care of others. For many, this fact alone is enough to give them cause to see themselves as a failure at being a parent.
This is a useless emotion, of course, but, I think not so uncommon. I think, also, that in our self-doubts and fears and worries, we torment ourselves with whether we have made the right decision, and whether we are even capable of making a sound decision. So much of what we looked upon as just standard common sense, parenting has just blown up in our faces.
We find the strength to enroll our children. Then we enroll ourselves in an open-ended program of “did we do the right thing?” It’s pretty natural, and normal. Things haven’t been working out as we imagined they would, or should. Since we are so unsure, how can we trust that we have made the right decision?
We seek to regain trust in our own ability to choose wisely, by questioning the routines and procedures of daily life and instructional curriculum in the facilites. We want to be reassured we have chosen wisely, that we can choose wisely.
So, we put out questions and those with more experience say, “Trust the program.” But, we cannot, We have not yet regained the footing to trust. The common retort is that, “I won’t trust anyone or anything, blindly, especially when it comes to my child.”
Nor should anyone or anything be trusted blindly. By all means, investigate and visit the facility, ahead of time, if possible. Talk to graduates. Talk to kids still in the program. Talk to teachers, family reps, administrators, anyone that you need to in order to feel comfortable.
But, once your beloved child is in the facility, do not get in the way of their progress by maintaining a suspicious, questioning attitude toward the program, and everything about it. This will flow to your child, more quickly than wildfire.
And, I am still not saying to trust blindly. What I am saying, or suggesting, is to form the idea in your mind that you have partnered with the program, to do what could not be done at home, insure the child’s safety, while giving both parents and child a period of cooling off, away from each other, to look at what was not working in your family life that came to this result.
As parents, we asked for help. Now, we must not sabotage our hopes through our fears, worries, and lack of trust.
Give this some thought. When we remain suspicious of the program, are we not really saying we do not trust our capacity to make sound decisions?
If trust is beyond you, at this time, think “Partner with the program.”
Tom
Posted on May 8th, 2008 by admin
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. This is a great opportunity for both of us.
